A Wish for a Daughter

💗💗💗💗💗💗JAIDYN💓💓💓💓💓💓

I sit and watch you sleep
Expecting to catch a glimpse of sparks of glitter filled color almost as if my eyes are under pressure waiting for your gift fairies to arrive.
What would I wish for you if the fairies cared to listen?

Not more beauty
You takes ones breathe with your beauty
And give it back with your laughter

Not more strength
You stand so strong the mountains know not to challenge you
And hell tells tales of your warriors robe

Not more gifts, you have so many you can’t Appreciate what you have, and leave them laying like an unfinished book on your bedside table.

I wish you had the gift of believing in yourself
When you look in the mirror you would see the heroine of your own story
You would see the beauty and strength of all the women both around you and before you
Their essence would be like colored silk ribbons wrapping around you like art

Around your feet, to always carry you forward on the right path
Your legs, to give you power to push forward no matter how difficult your journey
Around your loins, so you never forget from there comes life, don’t let death dwell there
Your stomach, so fear has to flee, but theres always a safe place for the butterflies
Your ribs, So that nothing cuts your air off and you always have breathe to speak your truth. And your heart can beat wildly and remain and unbruised.
Your shoulders so that you can carry any burden.
Your arms and hands so that any words that seek to be heard will flow through the end of your fingertips and always Find paper to mark
Your throat so that no matter what is laid at your lips to take your magic you never lose your voice, or the power behind it.
Your ears so that pretty words can’t deceive you and don’t listen to those who seek to silence you because your light will shine so bright shadows will flee and we will all have a new vision, their lips will move but you won’t hear those who seek to turn off the light because they fear the power as the mountains they built crumble
Your face, so you can hide your beauty when needed and present it with a bow when wanted.
Your eyes, so no mask hides the truth, and your vision is never painted by another, you will still see through the dark painted around you.
And your back, so you’re protected from any who would harm you, and still lay soft against those who hold you close.

That is what I would wish for you if the fairies care to listen.
They would tattoo “you were never meant to follow another’s path, you were meant to forge your own” in pretty letters across your heart.

Prophetic Plug

Just now death knocked on the front door of the party but he was wearing a party hat,
With a please RSVP Invitation clasped in his matte black manacured hands
He brought the party favors, so boredom opened the door and pain escorted him in. Anxiety stood in the corner waiting till after everyone was artificially happy and he could slip in and fall prey to artificial love.
He promised a life that misfiring brains colored in with technicolor illusions just for him.
His work done he just waited for the carnage
Knowing it wouldn’t be long
Knowing when he played the melody they would write their own song.
Such a easy war to win. Not even an ache, not even a drop of sweat will fall.
All he has to do is answer the call.
Show up, the one they all wait for
Then stand in the corner , quietly leaning on someone’s grandmothers wall.
Laughing
Knowing with worship and gratitude they all will fall

Behind a laugh

There is a image of me
That only I see
But you hear her
There is a image of me
That can not let good, just be
Do you fear her
There is a image of me built by monsters
Do you feel their claws when I hug you
The image I speak of sometimes speaks words put there by another
Do you know it’s not me when I whisper them in your ear
There is a image of me where I look like I feel
Ugly, twisted, nearly broke in two, sad, so very weak
There is a image of me hid behind a smile
Shifting behind a laugh and smoking my soul like it’s a addictive drug
So now you should run

The fault is heavy

Posted

You blamed me, and I graciously accepted it. Please forgive me

The fault and blame

You handed to me

I agreed to carry the weight

Not knowing your burdens were too much for me to bear

I let you stand in the filth of your actions with no accountability to stain your shoes

Only their nasty you tracked into our home.

The stench you stained our bed with Somehow I was at fault for that too.

How could I be so foolish

I left the dagger in yours hands

Believing Surely you wouldn’t use it

You had already stabbed me so many times with your words

Choked the breathe out of me with your actions

I watched You sharpen it every day.

So sharp You could part the air

You even handed it to me

I held it, even though I could smell the copper Odor of those who you bled before me.

It seems I would have to accept the danger

To feel your love

I Clung to the blade like a lifeline. It would cut into me

As flesh died the scars would grow

I grew impatient waiting for wounds to stop behaving as Torn flesh,

And become as much a shield

Shiny and hard

not so easy to bleed.

waiting for it to become romantic again,

The way you consumed me .

Believing our love fed our souls. but my heart just grew dark

As I reach for a light

my hands are so scared I can’t feel my way out ,

so I’m just alone

Praying for a spark

Wash the Poison away

WOVEN REALITY

When I die plant me at the base of the wisteria tree

so when my blooms lay dormant

I can weep for what I never was

And when I bloom I am the celebration of every beautiful whisper we ever shared

Wrap my weeping Branches around you

Breathe the smell of my heart

paint your room the color of my blossoms

And Hold the sweater that still smells of my perfume

In the fall weave my branches into a basket and carry it full of what you hold dear

and wait

for in the spring I will always bloom the color of our love

ACID WIPES THE TEARS AWAY (part 3of3)

I stand in the mirror and stare into eyes as ancient as the world

Set in a face that has yet to see its first line

Knowing I would trade all the bruises washed away by tears as infinite as your abuse for all the lines time could ever mark me with

I watched you marry today

My replacement is less of a woman than even I I was the day I watched the swing sway in the wind

I wept

I wept for everything I knew you would do to her, because now I stand mature before you

Now I will be left alone, with only my nightmares to hold me tight at night. Memories will reach down my throat and clutch my heart and make me wonder how it still beats.

I will wake crying, haunted by her screams

My Conscience ripping my existence into dismay

I’ve known what I was going to do

I have prepared, stolen, lied

My strength coming from the tears I’ve cried.

When you lay with her, her spirit will begin to break

and mine will break free

You won’t notice my absence, not tonight. Maybe well into the morrow.

I am going to flee, Run, abandon this sorrow

If caught I know what the consequences will be

but the worst consequence is still freedom,

freedom from being his tool, where his hands take out aggregation,

Where his mAnhood shows me what a animal really is

I don’t believe that I am his, I don’t believe that he owns me, I believe that I am a wild thing to be set free, and so free I will be

I don’t make it far, tho I ran

But it’s like he knew,

like the devil whispered my hope to him and he inhaled it like knowledge

With Knowledge is power

The hardest part isn’t dying,

it’s dying knowing my greatest accomplishment is being a possession

I will die never have learned who I am to be

I close my eyes and picture the child I wasn’t allowed to be running through my mind,

instead of frantic fear there is a child’s laughter, still innocent.

I’ll stop looking there. She is the only me I will ever be

The acid wipes her away,she hides from what is now her future melting away

I scream, it’s a scream that comes not from my body but my soul

When I inhale, needing air

It’s poison ripping through my lungs, melting them reaching for my heart

It’s so quiet.

The light soft

It’s looks like beautiful peace, but I still am fearful

Mama? I freeze

Mama? I turn an there stands a small me

A questioning smile and she reaches out her hand

It’s ok Mama I waited for you

Death has been gentle compared to life

And I turn to her with a smile

NO VALUE IN THE KEEPING (part 2of3)

I woke crying from a nightmare

Where a baby laid in a trash can

unworthy to even recycle

Worth less than a tin can

Her screams a mixture of hunger for both milk and mercy

Was she thrown there by the disappointed father who wanted a son

Or laid there by the crying mother who knew death was gentler than life

Would kind hands find her or will her angel carry her home

Cold fingers of night strangle her,

nothing fuzzy

her blanket is the cold rain on her skin

Her Sounds grow weaker

like like your prayers for her

Where do you lay your Head as hers fall under a layer of the trash you see her as

She is the birth of a woman’s beginning

She is the the death of histories excuses

The hope she was to bring would have made beauty out of chaos and pain

cured the rips in the earths conscious

But her last breath just whispered a soft sound

And the best of what is left took her in soft arms

touched her with gentle lips

And turned away from us

the blind ugly that was left

I woke crying

My eyes opened to see

we are the ugly that’s left

 

CHILD BRIDE (part 1of 3)

I sit and stare out the window

watching the wind as it catches the swing and makes it move

as if I am on it

Maybe the ghost of my childhood is

I look like I’m playing dress-up

wearing my mothers dress

only for some reason it fits

it’s even constraining not leaving me the air to Cry

I wanted to go to school

Instead I’ll lay in his bed

There The only things I’ll learn my tiny body will dread

I’ll cry for my mother while he tries to make me one

I won’t ask for my father

Because to me they look the same

If marriage means it’s not forced why does the force of his body nearly break mine

The only things he’ll teach me are his grunts while I cry

I still play with baby dolls while my body grows round

I’ll be confused why until I hear her first cry

She looked like my baby dolls,

But demanded so much more

I’m scared and tired

I don’t know what to do

I made a bed of leaves, placed them up high.

Surrounded by so much ugly I knew her beauty would shine.

In fear and confusion I ran away

Confident someone would hear her cries

But knowing if they didn’t

Death is Gentle compared to life

Smoke on the Water

When I awoke, I lay in a strange bed unfamiliar with even my reflection

I seek to find a trace of reality was who I am So sad as to be unworthy of even a trace in my own memory

The doctor say it should get better

the nurses pet and promise a better day tomorrow

but I know My very existence has just become

smoke on the water